your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
