The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
