I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
