woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
