Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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