its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
