Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
