i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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