Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
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