if i can run in heels then i can drive
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
