if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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