i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I just want to make out with him forever
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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