I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
