I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I forget how to act sober
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize