the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
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So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
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6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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