My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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