haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
