Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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