The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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