so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
