Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
