Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
