Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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