your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
