Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize