wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
