So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
