apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
