Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize