i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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