Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
