my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
