goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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