We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
