This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
