apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
