There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
