stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
