Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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