the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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