SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
