Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
