I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
