i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
