He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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