U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
