Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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