If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
