I must be too annoying 4 u.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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