somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
