you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
