never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize