At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
