if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
