I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
be right there i have to get my cape
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize