ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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