I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
