One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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