So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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