If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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