Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
